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and the content has not been altered or updated since archiving.
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Dear Mary we (women psychologists) can combine enjoy and observe. In addition to my motherhood and grand motherhood experiences I had some professional gratification related to the theme of discussion. Once I had to teach a course on developmental psychology (mainly based on LSV and followers) in a college of education for a group of immigrants from Ethiopia. One student had a baby in the mid semester and afterwards came back and continued her studies. Long after the end of the course we met on the campus and she said: "Thank you so much for your course. Now I watch my baby developing and I remember everything you have told us". "Is this your first child?"- I asked. "No, thank God, he is the number four, but now my eyes are different". I suppose she enjoyed the three of her children before too, but this time it is different. My new 5 month old grandson had a great sweet smile too. Bella Kotik-Friedgut On Mon, Feb 28, 2011 at 1:48 PM, Mary van der Riet <vanderriet@ukzn.ac.za>wrote: > Hi Mike > thanks very much for the chapter and for the wishes. I think both our > lives have changed completely. Womb to world seems to be quite a shock > to the system, and for me person to mother is rather overwhelming, but > wonderful. > > I hope to bring him to ISCAR in September, if all goes according to > plan, so then you can see the smiles for yourselves. > regards > Mary > > > > Mary van der Riet; School of Psychology; University of KwaZulu-Natal > Private Bag X01, Scottsville, 3209 > > email: vanderriet@ukzn.ac.za > tel: 033 260 6163; fax: 033 2605809 > > >>> mike cole <lchcmike@gmail.com> 02/27/11 19:59 PM >>> > Warmest congratulations, Mary!! Whoa, that is a lot of excitement all at > once isn't it! > Whose life changed more, the baby's or yours? > > The attached chapter we wrote a few years ago is perhaps out of date, > but it > has a lot of material on smiling. Its a fantatsticaly interesting > phenomenon > and you, lucky duck, get to experience it right now. > > Best Wishes for yours and the baby's happy future. > > mike > > On Sun, Feb 27, 2011 at 6:07 AM, Mary van der Riet > <vanderriet@ukzn.ac.za>wrote: > > > Thanks for the responses, and to Rod for the references. I > particularly > > enjoyed the idea that he is probably 'busy with something else more > > important right now' - that sounds about right. > > Mary > > > > > > > > Mary van der Riet; School of Psychology; University of KwaZulu-Natal > > Private Bag X01, Scottsville, 3209 > > > > email: vanderriet@ukzn.ac.za > > tel: 033 260 6163; fax: 033 2605809 > > > > >>> "Denise Newnham" <dsnewnham@bluewin.ch> 02/27/11 14:10 PM >>> > > HI everyone, > > > > Mary hi, I agree with this very interesting answer below. I had four > > children and I will never forget being so excited when the second day > my > > little baby 'smiled' at me and when I excitedly and cooingly related > > this > > happy event I was told in rather a cold tone that this was a burp or > > other > > eliminatory type expression. Well then what does a mother do but not > > smile > > in return... scary. I subsequently refused all guides to child rearing > > and > > decided to do it the South African southern Mama style. Lots of hugs > and > > affection and go with the flow. > > > > Congratulations by the way Mary:) > > > > Warmest thoughts > > Denise > > > > -----Original Message----- > > From: xmca-bounces@weber.ucsd.edu [mailto:xmca-bounces@weber.ucsd.edu] > > On > > Behalf Of Rod Parker-Rees > > Sent: dimanche 27 février 2011 11:55 > > To: eXtended Mind, Culture, Activity > > Subject: RE: [xmca] Where does the smile come from? > > > > Hi Mary, > > > > I like the idea, still found in many cultures around the world, that > > babies > > have two births - the physical one and then, usually around 6-8 weeks > > later, > > what we might call a 'psychological' birth. The physical birth is > > 'premature' because of the irreconcilable difficulty of relative sizes > > of > > babies' heads and women's pelvises so, like kangaroos, the infant's > > development has to be completed outside the womb. Parents will > recognise > > the > > significant social transformation which comes when the baby 'arrives' > > and > > this is often associated with intentional smiles (in Colwyn > Trevarthen's > > terms this marks the beginning of primary intersubjectivity, though he > > now > > argues that this is present from birth). In other cultures this is > seen > > as > > the moment when the baby's spirit finally settles in our world, having > > previously been still connected to the spirit world from whence it > came. > > This 'arrival' is hard to pinpoint but very clear, particularly in the > > kind > > of eye-contact which marks a social connection. > > > > Watson's work on infant responses to contingency suggests that babies > > smile > > in recognition of contingency between their actions and the > information > > they > > get back from the physical world. Attentive parents (and especially > > mothers > > who have a head - or womb- start in developing familiarity with the > > baby) > > offer particularly attuned contingent responses so are more likely to > > elicit > > responsive smiles which, in turn, serve as very powerful affective > > rewards, > > enabling babies to condition their parents to enjoy engaging in > attuned > > interactions. > > > > The best way to 'bring out' that magical smile is probably to let > > yourself > > go and just engage with your baby. I have often worried (as someone > who > > teaches on Early Childhood Studies programmes) whether too much > > conscious > > awareness of what a baby ought to be doing 'by now' might come to > stand > > in > > the way of the relaxed, almost contemplative, 'full-on' interaction > > which > > babies seem to need in order to support their entry into sociocultural > > communication (which is not, of course, to say that they are not > > communicative before this, only perhaps more physiologically). > > > > The work by Fonagy, Gergely and Target, which has been discussed on > this > > forum in the past, presents a detailed summary of research into early > > communication, affect regulation and attachment (I have just been > > reading > > their book - 'Affect Regulation, Mentalization and the Development of > > the > > Self' - first published in 2002). They suggest, following Watson (not > to > > be > > confused with the behaviorist!) that babies begin life with a > > preference > > for perfect contingency (such as they find in the sensorimotor > > correspondences between motor acts and perceptual effects) but > 'switch' > > at > > about 3 months to a preference for 'high but imperfect' contingency - > > such > > as they find in social interactions where familiar others respond > > sensitively and attunedly to their actions and affect-displays. > > > > Benjamin Spock's advice to mothers to 'enjoy your baby' may be > intensely > > irritating to some (easy for a man to say!) but I think it is still an > > important message - if your baby is not smiling yet that is because > > she/he > > is busy doing something which for her/him is probably more important > > just > > for now. > > > > Apologies if this sounds preachy! > > > > All the best, > > > > Rod > > > > > > > > -----Original Message----- > > From: xmca-bounces@weber.ucsd.edu [mailto:xmca-bounces@weber.ucsd.edu] > > On > > Behalf Of Mary van der Riet > > Sent: 27 February 2011 06:29 > > To: xmca@weber.ucsd.edu > > Subject: [xmca] Where does the smile come from? > > > > Baby books lead me to expect my newborn to deliver a smile to me in > > about a > > week. As a significant form of social interaction, where does this > smile > > 'magically' come from and why isn't it there earlier? What is going on > > in > > Thomas's 5 week old mind before this smile appears? What do I do to > > bring it > > out? > > > > There must be an xmca response to this! > > > > Mary > > > > > > > > > > > > Mary van der Riet; School of Psychology; University of KwaZulu-Natal > > Private Bag X01, Scottsville, 3209 > > > > email: vanderriet@ukzn.ac.za > > tel: 033 260 6163; fax: 033 2605809 > > > > Please find our Email Disclaimer here: > http://www.ukzn.ac.za/disclaimer/ > > __________________________________________ > > _____ > > xmca mailing list > > xmca@weber.ucsd.edu > > http://dss.ucsd.edu/mailman/listinfo/xmca > > __________________________________________ > > _____ > > xmca mailing list > > xmca@weber.ucsd.edu > > http://dss.ucsd.edu/mailman/listinfo/xmca > > > > __________________________________________ > > _____ > > xmca mailing list > > xmca@weber.ucsd.edu > > http://dss.ucsd.edu/mailman/listinfo/xmca > > > > Please find our Email Disclaimer here: > http://www.ukzn.ac.za/disclaimer/ > > __________________________________________ > > _____ > > xmca mailing list > > xmca@weber.ucsd.edu > > http://dss.ucsd.edu/mailman/listinfo/xmca > > > > Please find our Email Disclaimer here: http://www.ukzn.ac.za/disclaimer/ > __________________________________________ > _____ > xmca mailing list > xmca@weber.ucsd.edu > http://dss.ucsd.edu/mailman/listinfo/xmca > -- Sincerely yours Bella Kotik-Friedgut __________________________________________ _____ xmca mailing list xmca@weber.ucsd.edu http://dss.ucsd.edu/mailman/listinfo/xmca